The White Noise Machine

An unthanksgiving tale — Ethelred the Unready, Irmagaard the Ungrateful, Imogen the Implausible, Irene the Unreasonable, and Eli the Barrowboy gathered at the family home to prepare for the Thanksgiving repast. “Music!” said Irmagaard, firing up the Spotify and launching an Unthanks playlist. Ethelred’s anxiety touched everyone. He’d never succeeded at this before. …

And you thought death and disease were funny! — If there’s any time I’d rather be laughing, it’s while going through the hiring process — from either end. I’ve been unemployed and looking for work. Sending out a resume is manifesting your desires to the universe — if your desire is to be kicked in the head by the…

Notebook ephemera — Reading Samuel Beckett’s Notebooks, I said, “My notebooks are funnier than this!” Esperanto is My Love Language The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, they say, which implies that the abdominal cavity for romantics is a mess. …

I don’t sew like my grandma — Send Granny Mary your questions in the comments here or email directly. Let’s look at the mailbox! Dear Granny Mary: Sometimes, I wear sweatpants. Sweatpants have drawstrings. Unfortunately, one end of the drawstring on my sweat pants was sucked into that indefinite tube of fabric that holds the drawstring around…

Story: Stone and Bones Prompt — She had fifty notations in her journal and some drawings. It felt good being so productive, as she certainly couldn’t do anymore, now. She couldn’t move her arms, legs, hands, or feet. She couldn’t feel anything below her collar bone. She could breathe, hear, smell, and see. She could feel…

You don’t think death is funny? Have you tried it? — Brace yourselves, folks! This is that rarest of things, the fifth newsletter of the month. Traditionally — and possibly some of you don’t know this — the fifth newsletter is the Death Newsletter. The seventh newsletter is, traditionally, the Tripe Newsletter, and the twelfth is the Hookworm Newsletter. We at…

The MuddYum editors need to know! — Send Granny Mary your questions in the comments here or email directly. Let’s look at the mailbox! Dear Granny Mary: What is funny? — the editors of MuddYum Oh, dear friends, I can feel the pathos in your query. I can only imagine what has brought you to this lowly…

You will regret if you don’t get the funny — You need to buy the MuddyUm anthology, Wouldn’t You Rather Be Laughing? Comedy Therapies for Sad People. “Why do I need to?” To which I’ll quote King Lear at you, “REASON NOT THE NEED!” I mean, would you rather NOT be laughing? Are you NOT a sad person? …

One kale minute equals 3.4 human minutes — kale salad kale sera sera crossword clue: veggie violist for the Velvet Underground nine levels of kale in Dante’s Inferno do not rub kale on your underarms for luck it only works if you rub it on the perineum you’re allowed to experiment on kale without its consent but not…